I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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