can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
