then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
