yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
