oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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