My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
