where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
