I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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