all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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