a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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