you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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