took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
