Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell