I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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