How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend