The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
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oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
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My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars