can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.