dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.