I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
