peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no, he came in my armpit
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.