Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
