I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
