how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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