I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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