Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
