i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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