Pregnant stripper...not hot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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