Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He shit in the fireplace
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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