we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
