shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize