OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
