You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
