Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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