Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
