I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
