Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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