I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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