"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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