she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
