Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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