I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
