Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
