So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it glows. i had to have it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
