Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.