Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
