My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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