you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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