yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
