if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my being single is dangerous.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
