in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
