Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
