I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
