We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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