Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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