The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
