So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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