It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
