Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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