i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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