Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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