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• (407): View more from Florida

  im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Lets just say I chased with a burrito.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  .....a litte

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.

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• (432): View more from Texas

  posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.

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