I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
