I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i now understand why vodka
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
