i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
