I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
