Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
