Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
