someone threw a dead crab at me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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