i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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