Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
