Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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