So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
