I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
