at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
