I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
